Well, I've had the dates and it's pretty safe to say that it's been an interesting week.
Let's start with Sunday. This chap was actually everything I thought he could be - he was intelligent, cute, funny, charming and we had a really good afternoon. We decided to see each other again, and tonight was decided upon. The smartest of you will notice that it is Thursday evening, and indeed I am typing this, so something must have gone wrong. I'll get onto that...
Tuesday night's chap was also nice. There wasn't as much of a spark as on Sunday, but he was also funny and intelligent and quite good looking. It was a pleasant evening, but I don't think I'll see him again and think that's a mutual decision. The lack of contact from him since sort of implies it's going that way anyway.
So - back to Sunday. What went wrong? Well, for three days it was going well. There was an acceptable amount of text and verbal communication - no worries of stalkerdom but no ignoring either. We arranged to meet tonight, and then yesterday he texted me asking if I would like him to book us into the Gaucho Grill. Hmm. For those of you who do not know the Gaucho chain of restaurants, they are lovely. Great Argentinean steak restaurants with a stonking price tag on each piece of food. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have gone there, for a special treat. But for a second date on a Thursday? Quite frankly, that is a little too extravagant with three years of studying ahead of me.
So I rang him to explain that, although it would be lovely, I couldn't really afford it. In addition to that, I was feeling a little conscious of the fact that I wouldn't be able to afford to do stuff like that regularly, and definitely not something like the Gaucho for a standard, school-night night out.
He was very nice. Told me it didn’t matter, he would have paid, my circumstances don’t matter etc ... so an alternative venue was agreed, and I was due to meet him there after work this evening. I told him to think about it though, and texted him this morning to see if he still wanted to meet. The response was basically a no, but good luck with my life.
So is this it now? Through going back to uni and doing what I want to do in life, am I basically going to sacrifice a relationship and happiness in that part of my life? Who, ultimately, will want to be in a relationship with a 29 year old student?
I know I need to find a balance, make sure that I do still go out and enjoy myself while I’m studying and not become a recluse, resentful of my course. But in the same breath I will never think that a second date on at Thursday at the Gaucho is anything less than extravagant and so if that’s what blokes expect, I might just be lonely for a long time yet ...
Thursday, 6 August 2009
Saturday, 1 August 2009
Plan back in action!
Well, having been told off for not blogging enough (you know who you are, LM), here I am. Sorry for my neglect, I've been a mixture of busy and ill. So - an update on my life.
I have a new contract! Thanks to one of my industry contacts, I started at a new place on Monday, full time initially and and it should take me right up to uni. Which is, quite scarily, just next month! It has come at a perfect time; I've started to have to eat into some of my uni savings to pay my bills which isn't good. Thankfully I put the invoice in yesterday, so should have some cash in my pocket at the end of next week. Just in time to pay my NI contributions bill, my housing benefit repayment and my rent. Working to live and all that ...
So, what else have I been up to? Well, as I said I've been a bit ill but am better now. I'm trying to get to the gym three times a week (tougher now working) and I've seen some friends. I'm quite lucky in that one of my oldest friends (duration wise, not age!) is working daan saaaf for 6 weeks, so we've met up a couple of time. He's great, The Boy Who Kicked His Shoe On The Roof, although he does give me a little grief for not mentioning him in here. So, here you are TBWKHSOTR, your moment is in. He's a great friend, has been a good, steady part of my life for a mere 25 years and managed to kick his shoe onto our primary school roof when we were 7. He'll like me telling you all about that but it's still how my sister knows him.
I've seen E too, watched lots of cricket, been to the Goldfish Abandoner's (who got engaged on holiday! Whoop whoop!)
Well, after my last rather disastrous round of dating I have arranged two more dates for this week! The first is tomorrow - Sunday lunch with a rather nice (so far) bloke from islington. He's got a good job, a good level of income (presuming he's being truthful in his profile) and seems to have a good knowledge and liking of both cricket and good comedy. Perfect!! I have a bit of a big zit on my chin, but hopefully that will go down over night (where's my toothpaste...). Oh, and before you ask, 5'10"...
The chap on Tuesday is at the other end of the scale... he's a 26 year old PhD student. Also seems nice, E thinks he sounds more interesting than tomorrow's chap but time will tell. He also claims to be 5'10"!!
I've decided that this is the way I have to go going forward. I either need someone who earns good money, or no money at all. It's people who earn an average amount where me being a student could cause the most issues, I reckon.
So, watch this space and I will let you know tomorrow how it goes.
I have a new contract! Thanks to one of my industry contacts, I started at a new place on Monday, full time initially and and it should take me right up to uni. Which is, quite scarily, just next month! It has come at a perfect time; I've started to have to eat into some of my uni savings to pay my bills which isn't good. Thankfully I put the invoice in yesterday, so should have some cash in my pocket at the end of next week. Just in time to pay my NI contributions bill, my housing benefit repayment and my rent. Working to live and all that ...
So, what else have I been up to? Well, as I said I've been a bit ill but am better now. I'm trying to get to the gym three times a week (tougher now working) and I've seen some friends. I'm quite lucky in that one of my oldest friends (duration wise, not age!) is working daan saaaf for 6 weeks, so we've met up a couple of time. He's great, The Boy Who Kicked His Shoe On The Roof, although he does give me a little grief for not mentioning him in here. So, here you are TBWKHSOTR, your moment is in. He's a great friend, has been a good, steady part of my life for a mere 25 years and managed to kick his shoe onto our primary school roof when we were 7. He'll like me telling you all about that but it's still how my sister knows him.
I've seen E too, watched lots of cricket, been to the Goldfish Abandoner's (who got engaged on holiday! Whoop whoop!)
Well, after my last rather disastrous round of dating I have arranged two more dates for this week! The first is tomorrow - Sunday lunch with a rather nice (so far) bloke from islington. He's got a good job, a good level of income (presuming he's being truthful in his profile) and seems to have a good knowledge and liking of both cricket and good comedy. Perfect!! I have a bit of a big zit on my chin, but hopefully that will go down over night (where's my toothpaste...). Oh, and before you ask, 5'10"...
The chap on Tuesday is at the other end of the scale... he's a 26 year old PhD student. Also seems nice, E thinks he sounds more interesting than tomorrow's chap but time will tell. He also claims to be 5'10"!!
I've decided that this is the way I have to go going forward. I either need someone who earns good money, or no money at all. It's people who earn an average amount where me being a student could cause the most issues, I reckon.
So, watch this space and I will let you know tomorrow how it goes.
Friday, 10 July 2009
Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics
Right. I have covered honesty before, but I do believe that slight dishonesty is only natural. Especially if you're trying to create a good impression.
I am sure that in every internet dating profile there are lies. OK, maybe not lies, but maybe some stretching of the truth. I, for example, put myself down as a 'moderate' drinker. I believe I am, because I compare myself to the tramps sitting in Shoreditch church yard. I don't drink cheap cider before 9 am (in fact I don't drink cheap cider at all...), therefore I drink moderately. A hangover at work was not unknown, but it was not every day. I am also more aware that compared to someone who drinks a single beer once a week, I drink a lot.
I have no doubt that there are significantly fewer 'French' speakers than collective dating websites believe there are. I am sure if you added up the number of times people claim to exercise in a week and divide by five, you probably have a more accurate picture of exercise undertaken.
Trying to make yourself more attractive to people, especially when it's a dating website and you know that they are on there looking for that elusive love.
But then there are the lies that are pointless. The lies that relate to things that are obvious. The lies that relate to things that you just can't change.
A lie such as "I am 5'10" tall". This is fine if you are five foot 9 and a half, not so much if you are 5'6". I am approximately 5'7" - 5'8". If I am meeting someone who is 5'10", I have no issue with putting 3 inch heels on - OK, there is a danger that they will make me slightly taller than him, but he's 5'10" so he won't mind. They're nice shoes, and they elongate my legs - great when I'm wearing quite skinny jeans with a floaty top.
Sadly, this backfires when I can see the top of the bloke's head when I stand up. And he's not sitting down. A date is never going to start well if your first thought is "5 foot 10, my arse". It will not improve if his idea of walking with you is striding off and walking approximately a metre in front of you. Nor will it improve if he is that inflexible that he will not change the venue even when an office block in the next street is on fire and you are practically being smoked out.
So here I am, three hours after the date started, sitting on my sofa and finishing a blog. Having been to Tesco's on the way home and spoken to the goldfish abandoner, the parents and my sister. The wine is chilling in the fridge. Dinner will be in the oven in five minutes. I wonder what's on tv ...
I am sure that in every internet dating profile there are lies. OK, maybe not lies, but maybe some stretching of the truth. I, for example, put myself down as a 'moderate' drinker. I believe I am, because I compare myself to the tramps sitting in Shoreditch church yard. I don't drink cheap cider before 9 am (in fact I don't drink cheap cider at all...), therefore I drink moderately. A hangover at work was not unknown, but it was not every day. I am also more aware that compared to someone who drinks a single beer once a week, I drink a lot.
I have no doubt that there are significantly fewer 'French' speakers than collective dating websites believe there are. I am sure if you added up the number of times people claim to exercise in a week and divide by five, you probably have a more accurate picture of exercise undertaken.
Trying to make yourself more attractive to people, especially when it's a dating website and you know that they are on there looking for that elusive love.
But then there are the lies that are pointless. The lies that relate to things that are obvious. The lies that relate to things that you just can't change.
A lie such as "I am 5'10" tall". This is fine if you are five foot 9 and a half, not so much if you are 5'6". I am approximately 5'7" - 5'8". If I am meeting someone who is 5'10", I have no issue with putting 3 inch heels on - OK, there is a danger that they will make me slightly taller than him, but he's 5'10" so he won't mind. They're nice shoes, and they elongate my legs - great when I'm wearing quite skinny jeans with a floaty top.
Sadly, this backfires when I can see the top of the bloke's head when I stand up. And he's not sitting down. A date is never going to start well if your first thought is "5 foot 10, my arse". It will not improve if his idea of walking with you is striding off and walking approximately a metre in front of you. Nor will it improve if he is that inflexible that he will not change the venue even when an office block in the next street is on fire and you are practically being smoked out.
So here I am, three hours after the date started, sitting on my sofa and finishing a blog. Having been to Tesco's on the way home and spoken to the goldfish abandoner, the parents and my sister. The wine is chilling in the fridge. Dinner will be in the oven in five minutes. I wonder what's on tv ...
Wednesday, 8 July 2009
Blown out ...
Well, you might be thinking I'll be all excited about my date tonight! Well, you're half right. I am very excited - the ashes start in just three hours!!!
As for my date tonight with the potential stalker, well - he has blown me out! Through this website you can send an automated 'thanks but no thanks' e-mail to people, working on the principle that people are too stupid not to take silence as rejection ... but that is how I found out that he is no longer interested!
On the advice of the girls, I did text him asking if this meant he didn't want to meet up, and was told he basically didn't get the vibe I was particularly interested and wished me luck.
It's a fair point. I was looking forward to meeting him when we made the date, but his over-zealous texting for someone I haven't even met yet was making that diminish quite rapidly, and in fact I am more than happy with his decision. This way I don't have to meet him, and it has been done in a way that means I don't have to change my identity and move away ...
Sunday bloke is a definite for later in the week. In the meantime, there's the small matter of the Ashes...
As for my date tonight with the potential stalker, well - he has blown me out! Through this website you can send an automated 'thanks but no thanks' e-mail to people, working on the principle that people are too stupid not to take silence as rejection ... but that is how I found out that he is no longer interested!
On the advice of the girls, I did text him asking if this meant he didn't want to meet up, and was told he basically didn't get the vibe I was particularly interested and wished me luck.
It's a fair point. I was looking forward to meeting him when we made the date, but his over-zealous texting for someone I haven't even met yet was making that diminish quite rapidly, and in fact I am more than happy with his decision. This way I don't have to meet him, and it has been done in a way that means I don't have to change my identity and move away ...
Sunday bloke is a definite for later in the week. In the meantime, there's the small matter of the Ashes...
Sunday, 5 July 2009
Bad mood and itchiness
Well that about sums up my day! For the last couple of days I have been suffering from a bit of a heat rash (the perils of being a ginger geordie in the south ...) and my usually perfectly (!) soft skin is raised, spotty, blotchy and itchy.
That, coupled with a night of rubbish sleep last night, means that I am in a bad mood. A very bad mood. I am very grumpy indeed.
So, I have postponed today's date. He was quite understanding and it is now happening on Friday or Saturday, hopefully by which time I will have returned to my normal silky-smooth (but still irritable) self and he might have half a chance. As things stand, I doubt I would have been there for more than 10 minutes before biting his head off today.
Wednesday-night bloke continues to text me, although nowhere near as much as he was doing on Friday night. I think he got the hint that I felt like I was being interviewed, especailly my rather dismissive response to 'what are you looking for? what are you hoping for?' text. What sort of person asks that by text before you have even met someone?! K the goldfish abandoner (not killer, as stated in recent blog which I wholeheartedly take back) put it perfectly yesterday when we went to the Tate - it's like I'm being stalked. Let's hope that doesn't continue! We're meeting in the City on Wednesday, so at least it'll be a public place. And if necessary I can get on the wrong bus home and then change so that he has no idea where I live ...
Positive thinking and all that ...
That, coupled with a night of rubbish sleep last night, means that I am in a bad mood. A very bad mood. I am very grumpy indeed.
So, I have postponed today's date. He was quite understanding and it is now happening on Friday or Saturday, hopefully by which time I will have returned to my normal silky-smooth (but still irritable) self and he might have half a chance. As things stand, I doubt I would have been there for more than 10 minutes before biting his head off today.
Wednesday-night bloke continues to text me, although nowhere near as much as he was doing on Friday night. I think he got the hint that I felt like I was being interviewed, especailly my rather dismissive response to 'what are you looking for? what are you hoping for?' text. What sort of person asks that by text before you have even met someone?! K the goldfish abandoner (not killer, as stated in recent blog which I wholeheartedly take back) put it perfectly yesterday when we went to the Tate - it's like I'm being stalked. Let's hope that doesn't continue! We're meeting in the City on Wednesday, so at least it'll be a public place. And if necessary I can get on the wrong bus home and then change so that he has no idea where I live ...
Positive thinking and all that ...
Friday, 3 July 2009
See the people, do the business
As one of the great men of financial services once said. Yes, since the disastrous smoking squaddie on Wednesday I've been a little busy and have two dates lined up. One on Sunday, and one on Wednesday next week. I am indeed seeing the people, but have no intention of doing the 'business' as it were.
So - are these hopeful? Well, who knows. Neither of them smoke. Or they're not admitting to it if they do ... Sunday's seems quite shy but has a quiet sense of humour. Wednesday's seems OK, but is currently bombarding me with texts asking mundane questions ... could be an interesting night!
So that's it - I think I'll wait until after Sunday before arranging another one with anyone else as three in the diary is a little too much, I believe. Although if this bloke doesn't stop texting me things might change with that one ...
So - are these hopeful? Well, who knows. Neither of them smoke. Or they're not admitting to it if they do ... Sunday's seems quite shy but has a quiet sense of humour. Wednesday's seems OK, but is currently bombarding me with texts asking mundane questions ... could be an interesting night!
So that's it - I think I'll wait until after Sunday before arranging another one with anyone else as three in the diary is a little too much, I believe. Although if this bloke doesn't stop texting me things might change with that one ...
Wednesday, 1 July 2009
Disaterous Dating ...
Well. I've had a date this evening. Putting chappie well and truly behind me, there was only one thing for it - I need to get back on the horse. As it were.
Right - before I start - you need to know a little about my dating history. In my life I have lived with two blokes. Cam in Leeds, who was one of the gentlest men in the world but sadly wasn't well, and after some rocky years (not just with me!), sadly he took his own life three years ago. The other bloke I refer to as 'my nasty ex', and after all in all about 5 years together, I saw sense and ended it.
Since then, I have had no 'significant' relationships. Yes, I've had flings, but no-one who I have deemed appropriate to spend my life with.
18 months ago I joined a dating website. Through that, I met Ed. If you've read a couple of these things, you'll recognise the name. Ed is now one of my closest friends. He was the second date I had through the first website I joined. Things went well for a month and then, when it came to the big 'where are we going' question - he was honest enough to tell me 'nowhere'. Now, I can't say that from then in it was all sweetness and light - I was gutted, and for a while the relationship was a little bit blurry around the edges but I saw the light (with thanks to E and the goldfish killer, amongst others). We remained very close.
Ed is the sort of friend that some of you will be surprised for me to put in the same category as BenjiBen. But he is honest and I can talk to him about anything. When I need an opinion, he will tell me the truth. When I need some support, he will be there to support me. When I need a cry, he will pass me a tissue and give me a hug. He is the sort of bloke who will be my friend for life purely because of three reasons. 1) Who he is. 2) My acceptance of who he is (he can be a little stubborn and selfish at times) and 3) My realisation about 14 months ago that if we had stayed together he would have driven me mad by now and I would hate him. But for who he is now, and what he brings to my life, I am eternally grateful.
Then the next 'fling' after that was L. Now L is lovely, we had a really nice couple of months chatting, laughing, putting the world to rights etc. We remain good friends now, but there was one fundamental issue with L and that was that he was (and remains) 5 years younger than me. It's not the age as such, but we were in different life stages when we were together, and although we had a lovely time it wasn't going to work out for that reason. I'm not as close to him as I am with Ed, I think possibly because on an 'imbalance' discussed in a previous posting, but he is a good friend and I am happy to know him.
Then there was chappie. No need to go into that one ...
Tonight, I met my first date off a new website. On paper he seemed OK. When we met he was shorter than he'd promised, and looked a little bit like a weasel - he really did need a good meal inside him. It turned out what he didn't mention in his ad was his smoking, ex-army mentality. And the fact he was an idiot. Now don't get me wrong, I can sit and talk to anyone for a couple of hours, but this bloke was even pushing my tolerance. I was going to blog about what a twat he was, but there seems very little point, other than to say that I will not insult your intelligence to recount his views on a) cricket (!), b) immigration and c) (the worst one for me!) - radiographers.
Idiot, that's all I can say. I won't be seeing him again though, although he doesn't know that yet (I didn't promise him a second date, don't worry!)
It's just nights like that that makes me wonder why I bother. Yes, I know why I bother - life is better if a) you've got someone to enjoy it with and b) you're having some good sex. I think from now on I need to be a little more selective. Maybe ask them if they've ever been in the army before the first drink...
Next date with bloke 2 is on Sunday. We're having coffee in Soho. This one is very into cricket - fingers crossed, eh!
Right - before I start - you need to know a little about my dating history. In my life I have lived with two blokes. Cam in Leeds, who was one of the gentlest men in the world but sadly wasn't well, and after some rocky years (not just with me!), sadly he took his own life three years ago. The other bloke I refer to as 'my nasty ex', and after all in all about 5 years together, I saw sense and ended it.
Since then, I have had no 'significant' relationships. Yes, I've had flings, but no-one who I have deemed appropriate to spend my life with.
18 months ago I joined a dating website. Through that, I met Ed. If you've read a couple of these things, you'll recognise the name. Ed is now one of my closest friends. He was the second date I had through the first website I joined. Things went well for a month and then, when it came to the big 'where are we going' question - he was honest enough to tell me 'nowhere'. Now, I can't say that from then in it was all sweetness and light - I was gutted, and for a while the relationship was a little bit blurry around the edges but I saw the light (with thanks to E and the goldfish killer, amongst others). We remained very close.
Ed is the sort of friend that some of you will be surprised for me to put in the same category as BenjiBen. But he is honest and I can talk to him about anything. When I need an opinion, he will tell me the truth. When I need some support, he will be there to support me. When I need a cry, he will pass me a tissue and give me a hug. He is the sort of bloke who will be my friend for life purely because of three reasons. 1) Who he is. 2) My acceptance of who he is (he can be a little stubborn and selfish at times) and 3) My realisation about 14 months ago that if we had stayed together he would have driven me mad by now and I would hate him. But for who he is now, and what he brings to my life, I am eternally grateful.
Then the next 'fling' after that was L. Now L is lovely, we had a really nice couple of months chatting, laughing, putting the world to rights etc. We remain good friends now, but there was one fundamental issue with L and that was that he was (and remains) 5 years younger than me. It's not the age as such, but we were in different life stages when we were together, and although we had a lovely time it wasn't going to work out for that reason. I'm not as close to him as I am with Ed, I think possibly because on an 'imbalance' discussed in a previous posting, but he is a good friend and I am happy to know him.
Then there was chappie. No need to go into that one ...
Tonight, I met my first date off a new website. On paper he seemed OK. When we met he was shorter than he'd promised, and looked a little bit like a weasel - he really did need a good meal inside him. It turned out what he didn't mention in his ad was his smoking, ex-army mentality. And the fact he was an idiot. Now don't get me wrong, I can sit and talk to anyone for a couple of hours, but this bloke was even pushing my tolerance. I was going to blog about what a twat he was, but there seems very little point, other than to say that I will not insult your intelligence to recount his views on a) cricket (!), b) immigration and c) (the worst one for me!) - radiographers.
Idiot, that's all I can say. I won't be seeing him again though, although he doesn't know that yet (I didn't promise him a second date, don't worry!)
It's just nights like that that makes me wonder why I bother. Yes, I know why I bother - life is better if a) you've got someone to enjoy it with and b) you're having some good sex. I think from now on I need to be a little more selective. Maybe ask them if they've ever been in the army before the first drink...
Next date with bloke 2 is on Sunday. We're having coffee in Soho. This one is very into cricket - fingers crossed, eh!
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